These training camp articles are meant to be informative but also satirical. Both the good and bad are meant to represent the worst in NFL fans. They are real events that took place but isn’t in any way my evaluation. Now on with the show…
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Forget everything I said about day 1 of training camp. All of it. Everything has officially changed after the conclusion of day 2. Even the stuff that’s the same is different! It’s a whole new game ladies and gentlemen. Let’s see where the team stands as we over-analyze day 2 of training camp.
The Amazing
Today was so incredible, and entirely different than day 1, I couldn’t help but start with the amazing! Get this guys… RODGERS IS BACK! After playing like Ryan Mallet on Thursday, Rodgers comes out of absolutely nowhere and throws a 13 yard touchdown to Martellus Bennett. If that isn’t enough to prove he’s on his way to an MVP season, he ran for a 50 yard touchdown. Some say it has something to do with his red jersey. If you think that it’s probably because you’re stupid. Rodgers for president.
The receivers were also great. Not great like day 1 great, I’m talking 2 days in a row great! For starters Geronimo Allison is a freak! Not only did he make a huge play down the field, he’s even catching other people’s balls when they suck too much to make the catch, as was the case when Raysean Pringle let the ball bounce in the air.
Trevor Davis proved he isn’t a one trick pony by running past someone and catching a touchdown from Hundley. Not just a touchdown reception by the way, a back shoulder touchdown. I guess that’s what happens when he doesn’t get tackled.
Even Jeff Janis got in on the action. Not content to be the special teams ace, Janis snapped Davon House’s ankles right in half and got up the field without a defender in sight. Rodgers didn’t see it but you and I did. We know the truth.
As a final note on receivers, Colby Pearson. See, you thought I was kidding about the Jordy Nelson comparison. Not even. Colby was seen making a diving catch across the middle of the field like only a freak mixed with an eagle could. Look out folks, it’s Colby time. Put some Colby on it! I don’t know… I’ll work on that.
Not enough to get you jacked? Here’s some news for you, the corners are turning the corner. Kevin King (Richard Sherman 2.0) took exactly 1 day to become the number 1 corner. That’s right, after 2 hours of playing lights out on the scout team as a WR, King showed everything the coaches needed to know to put him as the number 1. And no, it has nothing to do with rotating players or Gunters’s horrible play yesterday!
Or how about Damarious Randall? On only the second day the corners already have a pick thanks to none other than Damarious Randall who sliced through the air like a leopard and undercut a pass from Hundley to Davis.
That, by the way, was 1 of 4, count ’em, 4 picks on the day. Another came by way of Gunter and 2 were by Clinton-Dix. Dix, on the first pick baited Rodgers into the pick. That’s the work of an elite safety ladies and gentlemen. For the record, some might argue the 4th pick didn’t count due to HHCD’s foot landing out of bounds. Clearly anyone who would say that is a communist.
The Horrible
On the other hand, it wasn’t all great for the secondary. In fact, the defensive backs proved to be a garbage heap. But not quite as bad… see, it’s different! Gunter, doing the best he can to collect a paycheck from the bench, had another terrible day. Yes he got a pick but it happened as he slammed into Damarious Randall, the rightful owner of said pick, and nearly took him out for the season. The guy can’t even get a pick without almost killing someone.
As already mentioned Davon House was added to the list of suck by allowing Janis to make him look silly. For the record, we are talking about our starting corner up against our 19th wide receiver on the depth chart and House can’t keep up.
Burnett can sadly also be added to the suck list as he was the defender in the Rodgers to Bennett touchdown.
Adding to the stressful day was Brett Hundley. As exciting as it was to see Rodgers back to form, Hundley again reminded us that without Rodgers we will not win a single game. Yes, Hundley started off solid, throwing a strike to Allison and then a TD to Davis, but he followed that up with 2 picks.
If that all isn’t bad enough, there’s Cobb. While every receiver on the team is out feasting on our joke of a secondary, he spent the day talking to the media about how his rightful place is as a punt returner. That’s right, our number 2ish wide receiver, Randall Cobb, is lobbying to be a tackling dummy on special teams.
Finally, the worst news of the day, Martellus Bennett is basically done for the year. At the very start of the day, Bennett went down grabbing his leg without even being touched. We’ve seen this before. It’s an ACL and he’s done for the year. And don’t give me any of this, he was out for 5 seconds, came back and scored a TD, nonsense. He’s. Done!