For those that perhaps haven’t caught on, these training camp articles are meant to be informative but also satirical. Both the good and bad are meant to represent the worst in NFL fans. They are real events that took place but isn’t in any way my evaluation. Now on with the show…
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The legs were fresh on Monday morning but the reporters were still hungover, as best as I could tell, since the updates were scant at best. Still, I’ll do what I do best and extract 100% accurate future predictions based on tweets from people who saw people do things.
That’s reasonable right?
The Horrible
Montravious Adams, who we already determined was a waste of a pick thanks to a foot injury, is said to be out multiple weeks. Thankfully our fearless leader Mike McCarthy says it’s really not a big deal. Clearly Mikey has given up and has decided to ride the Aaron Rodgers train until it derails.
Mr. Mike also mentioned that Davon House, the 90 year old corner who at one time was mediocre, has more confidence. Confidence in what, I’m not sure, but it seems he’s happy with all his many accomplishments and feels he can continue to play at a sub-par level for many years to come.
Mike Daniels, after 4 days, got into a fight with Bulaga. The fact that it took him 4 days to hit someone tells me he simply doesn’t care anymore. There clearly is no more fight in him and it’s time to adopt him out to a nice family. Perhaps the Vikings would like to steal more of our players.
Finally, Montgomery is still garbage. After several days of fumbles and missed blocks, Montgomery fumbled his very first snap of the day. I feel like this year there is a competition to see who can make the most money from the bench.
The Amazing
Almost every update that came out on Monday was a positive. Why? Because this team is in playoff shape, that’s why.
Let’s just get started with what you already know and I’m, quite frankly, getting tired of saying. First, Clinton-Dix was once again roaming the field like a lion not letting anything slip past. Specifically he broke up a pass from Rodgers to Adams. Okay, it’s only 1 example but unless you’ve been sleeping you know Rodgers to Adams is the top duo in 2017. Count it.
Beyond that, Mr. Josh Jones is probably going to be the top defender on the team. After several days of great ILB work, Jones wanted to show that he’s more than the best inside linebacker on the team, he’s the best everything on the team. He racked up a pick against Hundley and later sacked him (no he didn’t really touch him but still…). Josh Jones even got the praise of Mike Daniels yesterday, the previous defensive leader.
Other safety/CB victories came by way of Kentrell Brice and the best corner on the team, Quinten Rollins when they defended the indefensible. The Rodgers Hail Mary!
My guy Colby Pearson, the new Jordy, was seen fielding punts yesterday in camp. For those that can’t figure it out, let me spell that out for you. “Hey this guy is amazing, how do we justify keeping him”? “I know, let’s say he’s a special teams guy and get rid of Jeff Janis”. “Brilliant!”
Vogel again went out and impressed. His average was less than usual but 46.6 yards at 4.3 hang time is still enough to be the best of all time. His overall average is 48.6 yards pretty much cements him in the hall of fame.
Finally I want to give a shout out to another player I highlighted in my most underrated players article, Christian Ringo. Ringo, with his limited snaps, was able to absolutely torch Amichia for a sack. For the record Amichia was blocking everyone yesterday so mad props to Daniels 2.0.